The sauna idiot

He stands in the sauna because if he sits he could catch a germ. The standing position ensures only his feet are in contact with the wood. If he could float he would because that would make him totally detached from this world. From his mouth comes an endless stream of sounds. What he tells I only can imagine. My command of Finnish is so bad that it excludes all form of understanding. It does not matter. He talks and talks. Sometimes he ask a question and a polite person comments or answers. I don't get the impression that it matters. The sauna idiot talks anyway. Is he really responding to the comment? I doubt it. From the confused faces of my fellow sauna sitters I get the impression that there is no real interaction. He just talks and talks. His talk is sometimes irritating when you want to be with your own thoughts, sometimes it is a welcome distraction from what otherwise would be a boring sauna session. Does he have Asperger syndrome? Maybe. I am not enough qualified enough to know. He cannot really stand the heat of the sauna. He rarely throws water on the stones. When it becomes too hot he leaves and goes to shower. There he stands for ages continuing his talk until he magically disappears.

The sauna wolves

wolf_cubsThey are usually human males. Somewhere between eight and twelve years of age. They usually hunt in packs because their parents have abandoned them for the moment. They enter the sauna in a rush. The leader of the pack finds his seat first. The others follow. You can already see that some don't like the heat of the sauna. But they are brave enough to stay. The rules of the pack make it so. They shout and quarrel excited. You would start to think that the sauna is fun after all, but not with this pack of young wolves. You can just sit there and enjoy the steam. That's not enough. So it does not take long before they get impatient. The leader of the pack smells it. Time to get out. He stands and within seconds the sauna empties itself and silence descends once more upon the room. You realize that this time the rules of the pack have worked in your favor. You sit back and relax again.

The sauna elephants

They are elderly men with a lifetime of sauna sitting behind them. They come alone or in groups. There is no rule about this. Their bellies are well developed. Sausage and beer have created a fat layer no amount of steam can penetrate. They are not scared of throwing water on the stones. The more, the better. From the moment they step in they own the sauna. Sauna wolves usually defer to their presence. It makes feel uncomfortable and makes them leave pretty quickly. Still the mood of the sauna elephants is usually relaxed. They discuss the latest news, the sports and the rhythms of their family. You start to realize that you will soon like them. A daunting prospect now, but once achieved a source of bliss.

The persons in this article have been a source of inspiration and put through the grinder of my imagination. The result is fiction of form that has little to do with what they actually are.

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